Dad, Tell Me

by May May

Dad, what happened between you and Mom? When did you decide to stop loving her?
Dad sat on the passenger seat with pillows and cushions around him; he looked like a package ready to be wrapped. No reaction whatsoever, Dad looked straight to the road. I have been wanting to ask Dad why he and Mom always fought; why they didn’t divorce until their late fifties. Why Mom tried to kill herself? I had asked Mom about all, Mom described things of the past in lurid detail. It made me furious towards Dad. Now it’s Dad’s turn to explain to me, so I can decide how to help them or myself-- actually, I don’t really know what I want to know and why I want to know. I stared at the outside of the slopping hills, spectacular view of highway 280 brought to me this sadness that never being able to communicate to my Dad.. I concentrated on the road and I decided today is going to be the day that he has to come up with the answer.
Dad, what happened between you and Mom? When did you stop liking her?
Dad looked as he didn’t hear my voice at all. The silence was his way protesting against me. I was getting a little bit angry. He ignored me and others in the family for all his fatherhood.
I read Dr. Wayne Dyer; I watched Dr. Phil’s television shows; I listened to Tony Robins and Barbara Sher. All these helpful people kept telling us that don’t try to get love by using business trading ideas. However, I was in the mood for attacking the whole world.
Dad, I took you to San Francisco this morning for your business; I got up at 7:00am; I had to drive in the pouring rain. I had to get up early on Sunday morning; I had to arrange baby sitting hours for my kids; I had to drive into the city and out the city with silence, you never talk!...can you just think a little what I have done for you?
He moved his tush, but remained mute. His eyebrows moved one a little bit one higher than the other.
Dad, what happen between you and Mom? When did you stopped to like her?
Dad’s eyebrows back to normal.
You know Dad, I have been seeing mind doctors for a long time, you know that. So if you could help me with something, I might able to stop seeing them.
Dad didn’t move and seemed inwardly quiet; an unusually stubborn man, and as firm as a piece of stone in living room wall.
I was the one who got you out of China; I helped you to learn how to drive; I took you to DMV to get your driver’s license. I applied for your green card, and you are an American citizen because of me. Dad, just for that, would you please tell me?
My teeth were gritted. He was falling asleep. His fingers crossed and began to tighten. His left hand tightened and twisted magnificently.
I tried to think of another way to get his attention. A sign pointed out that the next exit was Edgewood. I knew Edgewood went steeply downhill and came up with an idea. I exited and started accelerating.
Dad, tell me now or I will kill you any moment...
He spoke in a steady voice, I will tell you later.
Come on! I’ve been waiting for forty goddamn years for an explanation! Do you think I can live for another ten years?
My voice was forceful and out of control. I was speeding with true rage. He sighed nervously.
Perfect! He said, Ask me more!
Ridiculous! He said.
Ridiculous! Ridiculous! Mom tried to kill herself, you call that ridiculous? Damn you! You call that ridiculous? What happened between you and Mom? Why did you treat her so miserably? You tell me why or you go to hell now!
I stepped on gas pedal, and when the car reached 100 mph, Dad yelled fearfully, Your Mother-had-an-affair two years after we were married!
He threw his left arm to the air, and it accidentally hit on my right shoulder. Abruptly, the car veered off the road at full speed......
The next thing I knew there was a strange pain that radiated from my neck down into my stomach. This pain was exhausting, as were my feelings of deep hatred. Writhing and confused, I looked around the car and did not see my father. I wanted to get out and search for him, but the pain defeated me and I surrendered as tears of regret blinded my eyes.
The End

*Comments
Well-done story, emotionally strong.----Ron
Good description of conflict & crisis.----Jerry
Road rage!----Manjula
I’ve wanted to do the same seem to my father, but never dared to write about it.
----Don Allen
This is the way to talk to difficult people!----Jean Nixon
This is the first time I read May May’s writing. It’s a beautiful story!----Melanie
The last paragraph was a good release.----Evelyne
What a sad story, thanks for sharing.----Jeanne B
This is marvelous, Keep writing, Shi.----Don
Wow! The third and fourth paragraphs have good depth.----Molly
Lots of tension towards the end. It makes us want to learn more about what happened next. Pulled us into the story well. Could imagine this “dream” really happening.
----Chuck

Last Updated: August 3, 2004